The headline says it all. I hate myself so much. Why can I not ask for help? I feel so bad about myself. I went to ask for help and couldn’t speak my mind. What I said was bullshit and not the explanations that really are behind my failing. I just don’t want to see like I am looking for excuses. But truth is that I don’t know what else to do. Suicidal thoughts even cross my mind. How ridiculous. It’s all too much and I basically just pay the price for being emotionally disturbed. It’s too much too fight an eating disorder that I have learned to love so much, it’s hard to try to fix myself while trying to fix my husband at the same time, it’s hard to work 3jobs, still struggling and not being acknowledged. I know this class is really not what bothers me but I know it’s what makes everything to boil over. I’m just so disappointed in myself.
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COMMENTS
Kaylynn on Bulimics United Fighting Bulimia | H… on Fighting Bulimia stopmyeds on i’m so mad at mysel… Roy on i’m so mad at mysel… Ardently on life feels difficult
Hey Grace
Today I just found out that i have bulimia too. I thought i had rumination syndrome, but turns out that is a side effect that i got from bulimia.
It feels really good to hear that I’m not the only one coping with this.
Let’s try to lose the weight. I think that it will make everything else in our lives so much better. Do whatever it takes.
Maybe spending half an hour at the beach and watching the sun set will help distract you from eating the entire day. I think that it shows how much life has to offer besides the immediate relief of food.
Basically, keep trying. You’re not alone on this.
From your earlier posts, do you want to be anorexic, or at least mildly?
Roy (18)
Roy,
honestly, your post made me a bit upset.
I’m sorry to hear that you are bulimic and I hope you’ll get help to fight this.
As for me, I have had eating disorders since I was about 10. I was diagnosed with bulimia, anorexia and over-exercising. In my life, my weight has been everywhere from underweight to overweight, and I am very happy right now that I am in a healthy weight range. I do not want to lose weight. I also do not want to gain weight. I just want to be ok with myself. Being skinny never solved any of my problems. It’s an illusion and almost killed me.
So NO! I do not want to be anorexic again. I have to be honest in that I would rather be anorexic than bulimic or overweight again though, but this is well is just sick.
I am working hard on accepting myself the way I am. I have already wasted half of my life being obsessed with being skinny.
And I hope that people will realize how destructive the desire to be skinny and perfect actually is and that people start having self-compassion. Not self-pity, but compassion for the human experience as it is.
Best,
Grace