Sitting outside in the warm sun, talking to a friend, drinking a coffee with soy milk, enjoying every minute.
I meet this Sociology professor, Daniel’s friend, and briefly talk to him. He welcomes me back and asks how I am doing, and for the first time in a while I feel truly appreciated. I accept him saying that and his genuine smile animates me. When I leave to go back to work he waves and smiles again confirming once more that it is really good to see me again. I am reminded of the pain my broken heart is causing me, but I accept it. I give in, grieving inside. I met him when times where good, but I realize through him today that times eventually will be good again. People may or may not appreciate me being here, but most importantly I appreciate myself living. Even if it just today. There are always good days and there will always be bad days; moments of hope, of joy and of love will always take turns with the darkest times. But I want to believe, that I can only grow from moments of pain, sorrow and obscurity. I just have to start accepting them as an essential part of the whole.
I will be fine. I just need to remind myself that I am worthy.
I embrace this day. I am strong.
Tonight, I will not stay home all by myself, as I had planned in order to escape a social eating event. I will go to the BBQ. I will prepare a pasta salad, and chicken/veggie spears. I will not overeat. I will not binge. I will not purge. I have not been purging for five consecutive days and tomorrow I can say it have been six. I am proud of myself. I am fighting. I’m in the midst of the battle, and I will not fall down, because I am who I am and that person is as strong as a lance made of purified gold.
Grace's Blog 