A beautiful life

Sitting outside in the warm sun, talking to a friend, drinking a coffee with soy milk, enjoying every minute.
I meet this Sociology professor, Daniel’s friend, and briefly talk to him. He welcomes me back and asks how I am doing, and for the first time in a while I feel truly appreciated. I accept him saying that and his genuine smile animates me. When I leave to go back to work he waves and smiles again confirming once more that it is really good to see me again. I am reminded of the pain my broken heart is causing me, but I accept it. I give in, grieving inside. I met him when times where good, but I realize through him today that times eventually will be good again. People may or may not appreciate me being here, but most importantly I appreciate myself living. Even if it just today. There are always good days and there will always be bad days; moments of hope, of joy and of love will always take turns with the darkest times. But I want to believe, that I can only grow from moments of pain, sorrow and obscurity. I just have to start accepting them as an essential part of the whole.
I will be fine. I just need to remind myself that I am worthy.
I embrace this day. I am strong.

Tonight, I will not stay home all by myself, as I had planned in order to escape a social eating event. I will go to the BBQ. I will prepare a pasta salad, and chicken/veggie spears. I will not overeat. I will not binge. I will not purge. I have not been purging for five consecutive days and tomorrow I can say it have been six. I am proud of myself. I am fighting. I’m in the midst of the battle, and I will not fall down, because I am who I am and that person is as strong as a lance made of purified gold.

Dining out

… probably even with family members or friends is one of the most difficult things to do when you are a Bulimic. While everyone seems to enjoy their dish all you are concerned about is either calories, weight gain, not to get caught, not to overeat, not to be socially awkward or you are simply trapped in your own thoughts – your mind – of how not to turn this into a binge or in this “will I/should I just purge” self-questioning scenario…
This creates a lot of stress around the situation, the food, yourself. No wonder, we usually end up in the bathroom.

While I know that this will always be very difficult, I thought about some guidelines to help overcome a possible b/p. This may also help in your learning or recovery process.

1. Don’t worry about what your friends think about your choices. If you want a salad, have a salad, if you want a burger you may even have that one. (You know how forbidden food leads to binges)

2. Eat slowly and chew well. It will not only help you to digest better, but also to get full (that healthy full we usually don’t realize anymore) faster.

3. If you are done, you are done. It does not matter if you ate 1/2 or the entire menue. Who cares? It’s your body.

4. If you have reached the point at which you think, you have overeaten already, stop. I mean STOP. Don’t think “Oh, well, now it is too late anyway…now I need to purge anyway so I can have some more” You don’t have to purge just because you ate too much ONCE. Probably you haven’t even eaten too much, but you simply feel full.

5. Talk. If you talk a lot you slow down on the eating.

6. Always drink water in between bites. It helps digestion big time.

7. Enjoy the food. (I know this is a tough one)

8. Enjoy the company. You decided to go with them, so here you are.

9. Don’t take left-overs home. Unless you are 100% sure you won’t binge on them (for me 90% of the times in the past I did).

10. Remind yourself of how beautiful, unique and confident you are. You can make miracles happen.

Hope this helps.
Fight Bulimia.
Stay strong!