Rosenstrasse

I watched this intense movie tonight. It is a German-Dutch production about the Jews during World War II. I don’t want to get into it, but there was this scene when Hannah meets the elderly lady Lena.
But the message is so true.

…
Lena: Ich hab’ uns was zu essen hingestellt. Oder machen Sie gerade eine Diaet?
All diese Jungen Frauen heute machen ja andauernd Abmagerungskuren. Das muss ja ungesund sein, glauben sie nicht? Wir waren ja auch sehr mager damals. Aber ganz gegen unseren Willen. Staendig Hunger. Hunger und Angst. Bitte setzen Sie sich doch. ( all these young women seem to always be dieting. That can’t really be healthy, don’t you think? We were very thin back then too. But against our choice. Always hungry. Hungry and scared.)
Hannah: Die Magersuechtigen Frauen heute haben auch Angst. (anorexic women today are scared, too)
Lena: Ach, ja? Das muessen Sie mir erklaeren. Ich habe Kaffee gemacht. Ist Ihnen das recht?
Hannah: Ja, sehr recht.
Lena: Und wovor haben sie Angst? (What are they scared of?)
Hannah: Ich?
Lena: Nein, sie sehen nicht so aus als seien Sie magersuechtig. (no, you don’t look anorexic)
Hannah: Achso, ich nein. Ich glaube… ich denke diese Maedchen haben Angst vorm Leben. (I believe… I think, these girls are scared of life)
…

We cannot chose when and where we are born. We simply can’t. The circumstances may be all oh-so-different. But I guess “ANGST VOR DEM LEBEN” (being scared of life) is what is the nightmare of so many people. Being always in pain. It is simply destructive for a human soul to fell pain all the time. Being scared is just one of the motifs for this uncontrollable pain, especially if you are scared of life. It is the worst for anyone under any circumstances anywhere in this world. And yet too many people are scared. And I am just one of those many fish in the crying river.
I wished I had the strength to fight it, I wished I could just simply close my eyes towards so many things, but I can’t and for me life is not only this mystery – it is driving me crazy to think about it. Why am I here and who am I? What is the world? I feel like a little kid asking these questions over and over again. How can people not ask about it? Why don’t most people try to figure it out? Why is there good and bad in the world and why do I have to feel this pain in such an extreme that it is tearing my soul and heart out at one and the same second?

I am just scared.
I just want to be happy.